Saturday, 1 November 2008

You know you've lived too long in the Middle East when...

You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat

You think the uncut version of 'Little House on the Prairie' is provocative

You think every one's surname is Al

You need a sweater when it's 27 degrees Celsius (80 F)

You expect everyone to own a mobile phone

Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the houseboy

You believe that speed limits are only advisory

You expect all police to drive BMWs or Merc's

You know whether you are within missile range of Iraq

You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time interval between the time the light turns green and the time that the guy behind you begins to blow his horn

You can't buy anything without asking for a discount

You expect all stores to stay open till midnight

You understand that 'wadi bashing' isn't a criminal act

You make left turns from the far right lane

You send friends a map instead of your address

You understand why huge 4x4s must slow down to a snail's pace whilst

crossing a speed bump yet hurtle through a wadi at 100kph

You think that 'Howareyoufine' is one word. So is 'Mamsir'

You think it perfectly normal to have a picnic in the middle of a roundabout at 11pm

You know exactly how much alcohol allowance you have left for the month

You have a moon phase predictor on your computer

You never say Saturday instead of Friday or Sunday instead of Saturday any more

You accept that there is no point in asking why you are not allowed to do something

You expect queues to be 1 person deep and 40 people wide

You realise that the black and white stripes in the road are not a zebra crossing, just bait to get tourists into the firing line

Seeing guys welcome each other with a kiss and hold hands while walking no longer distracts you

You carry 12 passport size photos around with you just in case

You can tell the time by listening to the local mosque

You think it's a good night if there are fewer than 10 men for every woman in a bar

Phrases like 'potato peeler', 'dish washer', 'coffee maker' and 'fly swatter' are no longer household items but are actually job titles

Habibi isn't just the ex-president of Indonesia

Problem with your car AC or horn is more serious to you than a problem with the brakes!


Scarily most of these are true for me. Time to leave? Sx