Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Doubts

The decision has been made, so why am I suddenly doubting myself? I've missed Europe for a long time now, the chance to walk, the cultural opportunities etc. I hate working here, the work ethics in the colleges both of management and students is appalling, and it takes up a large part of my life.

Earlier this evening I was reading  Miss Expatria 's latest post Get ready, get inspired, and go!  all about just going for your dreams, I wrote a comment to her:
I have doubts about the next step. I’ve been an expat for almost 9 years. ... the next country is undecided. The next country is not the scary part, that I am leaving is. I thought it was the right time, but I’ve realised how much I have here and how many friends- BIG positives, but hate the work situation here. I work to live, so just because I don’t like the work is it reason to give up so much?… First steps for the next stage of my life, should they be leaving?
This was the first time I really expressed these doubts, maybe it's partly because Ramadan has been sociable and I have seen how many friends I have here. Also, I joined Oman Salsa Group before I went to Lebanon, and they are a great bunch of people. The dance classes are fun, everyone talks to each other, everyone is invited to everything, and everyone is welcome. Is the need to fit in so great that it's the reason I now have these doubts? I am not a beach/camping on the weekend person, which sometimes has made weekends long, but the dancing group- I can't wait for the next class or event. On top of that I have rediscovered art, and found that with the miracle of internet (see my last post) I don't need to be in Europe to get inspiration and share my work.

I still can't walk about (Muscat is NOT pedestrian friendly, even when it's cooler), pop in an art gallery, go to the theatre, my parents are still a day's travel away, and the other things I miss in Europe. Back there I have not yet secured a job, but there are always teaching vacancies in January. Plus two recruiters want to see me when I am next in UK, so working really is not a problem. I have narrowed down my choices of country so that is also not a problem... eeney, meeney, mineey, Go! Or should I stay?

4 comments:

Diana Strinati Baur said...

oh sigh.

I so hear you. When I look around me, at what we have built, I find it so difficult to think what giving it up would be like. But some days, some weeks, are so overwhelming that I would gladly throw the keys at the next person who drives up the hill and likes it here. Then I think, how will it be if it were sold, and I had to drive away for the last time from my life's work? And I sit there and sob.

Friends and social group ARE important. And as we get older, even the nomad in us seeks a comfy corner where we can let a few roots grow. One thing is for sure, change at this point in life is never anything else but bittersweet. The giving up gets harder. The moving on gets harder. The starting new gets harder... each time, incrementally.

But with all of that tough stuff comes wisdom, sensitivity, understanding, compassion, and more than anything, empathy for others. And that is all good.

Blessings.

Lisa at Wanderlust Women said...

Cara, salsa is infectious and those who dance are those who live.You can do it anywhere and salsa groups welcome everyone. Time for a change. If it was where you were meant t be then you would never had a thought to leave, right?

Isabelle said...

You need a change Sue, and if you miss it here you can always come back :-)

travelingsuep said...

Thank you all for your wise thoughts.